Today could have been a hard day. I mean the really hard kind of day where you sit down and reconsider your career choices. I had one of those moments today at work that made me feel like I was kicked in the stomach. Although few witnessed the blow, just as soon as it was over there was no time to recover as people were there waiting for my attention. First it was a resident looking for an answer to a question followed by an employee who innocently asked, "do you have time?". And there was me standing there with a forced smile trying to pretend that I didn't just have the wind knocked out of me. Nothing to see here. Everything is ok.

But it's hard to maintain a facade like that for too long, especially with a blow that hard. So I snuck off to my office hoping for a moment to myself to process what had happened. As I sat there thinking about the nursing home licensing exam that I am poised to take next month, and reminding myself why I started on this path and where I was going, an employee who had seen the whole thing quietly appeared at the door. "Did you want me to have [the new employee] come in now?" In all the commotion I had completely forgotten that I was training a new employee that day. When I said that I needed a moment, she said, "I saw your face which is why I came in. I know your head is spinning right now, and you need a distraction. I remembered that [the new employee] was here for training, and maybe that would help pull you out of your thoughts."

I told her that I would be ok. Three years ago when I first came to work there, an experience like that would have ruined the whole day, but now with more time under my belt I knew that this would pass and I would be ok. I explained that I loved what I did, but it sometimes had challenging experiences, and I needed to recover for a moment from this one. I went on to tell her about a conversation I had with my roommate not too long ago. After a long day I said to him, "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a regular 9-5 job where I went to work, came home, and didn't have to think about it until the next day." He responded, "You'd get bored." He was right.

Why do I do enjoy this job so much when it has the power to drain me so much emotionally and physically? The answer is simple. Because it gives me more than it takes from me. There is no way I could continue if it didn't. I told this concerned employee that I would be fine. I would just have to spend more time with the residents over the next couple of days to bring me back up to where I needed to be and remind me why I do this. I've learned that my job satisfaction is directly proportional to how much time I'm spending with them.

Eventually I did call in the new employee. We spent the day talking about policies and procedures, core values, resident rights, and all the other things the law requires the I teach the employees including showing him the dreaded sexual harassment video. And it was fun. I decided to take a different approach. Instead of just sharing information, I focused on preparing him to love the residents. As we talked about each point, I shared with him stories about the residents he was going to serve. As we did our safety walk through of the building I made sure we stopped to meet each resident. "This is [resident]. Sometime when you get a chance ask him to show you his hot rod magazines, especially the one where his car was featured." "[Different Resident], this is [new employee]. [Resident] is a musician. Plays clarinet and piano." I wanted to make sure that he knew that these residents were more than just clients to be served. They were people with rich lives and rich histories.

My day ended with that same resident who came to ask me a question in the morning. Sensing that I was stressed she offered to come back later, and true to her word she did. I answered her question, and then we just sat and talked. We talked about her life, her difficulty accepting her declining physical capabilities. We talked about her neighbors including the difficult ones. As we talked I realized that I loved all my residents. The last three years I have spent more time with the staff and residents of Bethany Towers than anybody else which kind of makes us family, and you don't just walk away from your family because you had a bad day.