Life and death

I wrote this May of this year. At the time it was too fresh and too personal. I think I'm ready to share now.

I've never been there when somebody died and I suppose I still haven't, but today I got close. I was walking back to the clinic with one of the nurses when I looked over and saw some feet sticking out from the bushes. It looked odd. "Why is he taking a nap there?" I thought. Realizing something was wrong I went over and talked to him, pushed on him a little, and called to the nurse that he was unresponsive. She rushed to get help (he was a rather large man). He had no pulse and wasn't breathing. It was 20 minutes as the nurses and then the paramedics performed CPR. They were able to restore a heartbeat but not for long and he died on his way to the hospital.

My day was so jam packed and the experience so surreal that by the end of it I had been speaking with my mom for 15 minutes before I remembered the experience and thought to share it. Even then, although not insignificant it seemed like such a distant part of my day. The event didn't even seem real until I walked by the spot where it happened while on my way to dinner. As I walked into the dining room a resident pulled me aside. "Did you hear? Our friend left us today." "Yes. I was there." She went on to get teary eyed and told me how much it meant to her that I was the one that found him. "You know he cared for you very much. He used to say, 'That kid's going to be a great guy when he grows up.' and he'd always say, 'There goes my kid.'" I had no idea. I knew he called me kid and we seemed to get along. Every time I'd see him he'd greet me with "Hey kid.", we'd chit chat, and then he'd give me the cue that the conversation was over, "Well kid, you're alright."

It really hit some of the new employees hard, especially the ones that are not health care workers. One couldn't believe how we all continued on with our day. I explained, "It's not that we're not sad that he died, but we have learned that there are things that are worse than death. He died quickly without a lot of suffering and while doing something that made him happy." Earlier this week, he gave up his seat where he liked to smoke and began tending tend to the gardens. For two days he worked weeding, raking, and pruning. Everybody agreed that this man who tried to appear tough was smiling more than ever. What a wonderful way to go. To him I say, "well Ed, you're alright"