Aging

As a gerontologist I often try to see aging through rose colored lenses. I share stories of flirtatious centenarians, talk about how rewarding my job is, and from time to time share funny quotes and stories. The truth of the matter is aging is hard. The body slows down, you can't do what you used to do, and you begin to lose many of your friends to death. They say that stereotypes are there for a reason, and although contrary to popular belief we aren't just eating jello and creamed corn at the retirement home, many of the ageist views we hold as a society have an element of truth.

Some of the most ageist individuals are old people themselves. In our retirement home we have all levels of care: independent living, assisted living, and also a small nursing home. When I first moved into the community I naively thought that having all levels of care would lead to an environment where higher functioning residents visited and assisted their friends who were living in the nursing home or receiving assisted living services. This does happen to a small degree, but mostly the residents try to ignore the lower functioning residents. In fact they can get quite upset if forced to deal with individuals who are losing physical or mental capacities. "They need to take her away. Nobody wants to look at that." The nursing home sits in the corner of campus, and residents try to avoid thinking about it. It's too personal for them. It's a reminder of what might be waiting for them.

Beyond just not wanting to associate with the frail, I've found that older adults will often marginalize themselves. Yesterday when I asked a resident if there was anything she needed, I wasn't surprised when she told me about a few things that she wasn't happy with in her room including her carpet. What did surprise me was her attitude about it. She explained, "I used to get down on my hands and knees and clean up the spots, but I'm too old for that now. If I were back in my own home, I'd call them up and demand for it to be cleaned. But that time is past now. It's too late for demanding. Now we just ask for things and hope that they get done."

All around me I see examples that prove the point made by the anthropologist Ashley Montagu when he said, "The idea is to die young as late as possible." Yesterday I asked a resident how he was doing. "Not so good, Shaun. Never get old" he told me. I responded, "Well there's only one way that I know of to keep that from happening, and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that yet."

I am often asked how I can work in a field with people who are declining in health and dying. I guess it would be more than I could handle if that's all I saw and focused on. Yesterday alone we had a resident die, another get diagnosed with cancer, another move to a room closer to the nurses because she requires more help, and several more who either left for or returned from the hospital. Perhaps in some ways I'm no better than the residents. Sure, I'm dealing with the frail and the strong alike, but at the end of the day I'm not focusing on the negative. I'm just remembering that a resident called me at the end of my day to tell me she loved me. Yep. The world is looking quite rosy.